Edward's Revenge Adventure
by Respect the Hobos
Summary: Co written by Vampy. Edward runs into the Port Angeles dudes and gets help getting even from a very...interesting...source. Oneshot. PiratesTwilightMCR cross. Yes, that's correct.  MCR! Written at 1:30 in the morning...so...yeah.... R&R PLEASE!


A/N: This is a one-shot, written by me and Vampy. It's really messed up, but it's not our fault! We blame chocolate, Gerard Way, Stephenie Meyer, and the last two mixed together.

It's set while Edward is gone in New Moon.

Disclaimer: We do not own Twilight or its characters. Those belong to Stephenie Meyer. We also don't own Jack... yeah, _Captain_ Jack... keep reading, you'll see...

* * *

EPOV

I am in Port Angeles. Yes, Port Angeles, _Washington_, not an hour's drive from my beloved Bella. "Why?", you may ask. I have no_ fucking _clue. I wonder what my brother Jasper is up to now...

JPOV

Hitting my head against the wall doesn't hurt, but I'm hoping to relieve the angst. Wall "angst"... wall "angst"... wall "angst"...

"Jasper!" Alice yells. "Stop!" (A/N: we got this from Potter Puppet Pals- "Wizard Angst")

EPOV

-shakes head- "Who the hell are you?" I ask the guy with dredlocks sitting in the passenger seat.

"Why, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!"

"What are you doing in my car?"

"I... don't... know."

"Hey, look!" I exclaim, pointing out the windshield. "It's a person who tried to get Bella!"

"Four persons," Jack corrects.

"Stop correcting me! And what the hell are you doing in my car?!"

"Well... you know them?"

"Chya!" I snort. -holds fist out in front and narrows eyes nobely- "I vowed revenge the first time I saw them."

"And did you get it?" Jack slurs.

"Yeah...no."

"Because they were after ol' dowdy watserface?"

"Yeah, Bella."

"Elizabeth?"

"No, Bella."

"Elizabeth?"

"BELLA!"

"Oh." Jack starts twirling his dredlock with one finger. "Okay... well. I'll help you get revenge."

"You will?"

"Yes. Hokay (A/N: like the End of ze World), so, what you need first is a pretty sweet costume."

* * *

As I ran out of the store and jumped into my Volvo, Jack says, "Now what you need is a getaway thingamabobber."

"What's wrong with the Volvo?"

"Well," Jack smirks, "what if they catch ya, mate? Idiot," he added under his breath.

"I _can_ hear you."

* * *

So we hijack a bread truck. "Damn it! It's too slow!" I shriek, glancing at the speedometer and seeing a depressingly white 80.

"You think _this_ is slow?" Jack asks in obvious disbelief.

"Stop criticizing my driving!" I sob, grabbing my costume and jumping out of the truck.

Jack POV

I look out the windshield to see a lamp-post dead ahead. Knowing the fate of my vessel, I abandon ship. I feel the heat of the **explosion!** "Damn it, Elizabeth," I mutter. "Now to find that kid."

EPOV

I lay curled in a ball in a deserted alleyway. I notice one thought out of all the others. 'Where is that kid? Oh, there he is.' I feel a hand on my shoulder. "Mate," Jack says, "it's time to get into your costume." He waits while I change. "That's the best you could come up with?"

"It's an inside joke between me and my sister Rosalie." (A/N: If you figured out what's going on, you are very smart!) I walk out of the alleyway accompanied by Captain Jack, only to hear voices in my head.

'OMG!' they say. 'Like, _why_ is she, like, going _toward_ the **explosion?!**'

"Bella!" the voice says again, this time in my ears. I recognize Jessica's shrill soprano.

My head snaps in the direction of her voice only to see _my_ Bella walking, entranced, toward the flaming bread truck/vessel.

"Bella!" I yell.

"So that's your bonney lass?"

"Yep," I reply, popping my "p." "That's Bella Swan."

"Swan?" Jack repeats as I walk away. (A/N: Vampy _just_ remembered that little fact)

Bella looks in the direction of my voice... and passes out. Jessica follows almost immediately after.

* * *

BPOV

I wake up. God, I think, that was a starnge dream. Why the hell was Edward wearing a wedding dress? I'm glad he can't read my thoughts. That would just be embarrassing.

I looked at Edward, sitting in my rocking chair, dressed in normal clothes, smiling slightly as he watches me sleep. "You know," I say, "you make a pretty hot chick."

* * *

A/N: For those of you wondering what Gerard Way has to do with this, he had a quote: "One day I went to school in drag. You should see me as a chick. Ha! I look HOT as a chick." When Stephenie Meyer said that one of the Edward suggestions was Gerard, we mixed that with Rosalie's story and Edward wanting to kill the dudes in Port Angeles. 


End file.
